My Birthday...

It's my Birthday today. I feel really depressed today though. Probably because it is the first birthday without my Dad and it feels so strange. It feels as though part of me is missing. I feel numb. I thought that he would be around forever. Well, I knew that he would die before me (it only takes simple logic to work that out), but I didn't think that it would be so soon. I started to cry earlier and people said to me, "it's your birthday, you can't cry on your birthday" but to be honest I couldn't really care less. I will cry if I want to cry. It's just harder than I ever thought that it would be.

Monday night I sat up and I read had a talk with my mum. I discussed how I am feeling at the moment and it did seem to help. But I have so many feelings that I don't know how to describe. I don't think that there are words for them. And that is hard to understand and cope with because if talking about feelings helps me to cope, if I cannot find the words to describe the feelings how can I cope? Maybe I am just no good at dealing with this kind of thing.

I am going to go now and help sort some other stuff out. I will write again soon.