Feeling low ...

I have been feeling low for the past few days. Life just seems to be getting too much at the moment ... I am starting to think that I will not be able to cope for much longer.

I am starting to think that I just shouldn't like people. The last few people (but at times it seems like all of them) that I have fancied have been "pulled" or also fancied by my friends. I suppose, at least, I can live in the knowledge that I have taste, but when I am also so desperate to get involved with someone, it doesn't help a great deal. I suppose the right person for me will come along when the time is right ... either that or I should settle for a life of lonliness and celebacy :(

Tomi is also going to Durham tomorrow to see his sister. As stupid as it sounds, it is the first time that I have gone without seeing him at least once a week (often more) for about the last 18 months. I realised tonight that I love him. I love him so, so much. He is one of the best friends that I have ever had and I am starting to realise how stupid I have been by trying to push him away. I am just not that used to being close to someone, it is alien to me. I hope that the break will do us some good, that when he gets back we will be able to start again on better terms. I hope we will be able to put the past behind us. That sounds like we are having a romantic relationship! Nah, tis just friendship, just a friendship that is being put through it's paces at the moment.

I can't understand why I feel the way that I do about things at the moment. I think that it is one of those times where each individual thing is not a big deal but when they all happen together, they become a big deal and feel overwhelming. Just so much going on at the moment.

I'm going to go and try to get some sleep now. I think that is a part of my problem, I am too tired and run down. Anyway, night night!