My tongue is sore...

I have a sore tongue :( I did a search on Google and it turns out that I may have something that is called "geographic" tongue. I have been getting these red patches on my tongue for a while now. The pain goes away when I suck a Rinstead pastel so I am not too bothered about it, but if it starts to hurt really bad then I will go to the doctors.

There are colds going around at the moment and it feels as though I am getting one :( I did, however, realise that since I have not been getting the bus I have had many less colds. Which is a bonus. I was always ill last year.

I also need to arrange driving lessons. I am so fed up with being "house-bound"! I can't go anywhere without asking for a lift (urgh!) or using public transport (double urgh!). I have some ideas of where I can go for lessons. The thing is that I need to pass the test by August 8th or I will need to take my theory test again. Which would suck.

I'm just too scared to do it. It makes me want to be sick. I am just a very nervous, very unconfident driver. People tell me that I am not that bad at driving, but I just have a mental block that says that I can't do it.

Spain... here I come!!! Urgh! Maybe not...

I was seriously ready to pack up and go the other day. I had it all planned out. I was going to Spain. The only thing that stopped me booking a ticket was that I had no money!

But when I woke up the next morning, I realised that I would be leaving too much behind if I did go. There is my Mum, my Grandad and my Aunt, my friends and other people that care about me.

So now I am confused. Part of me wants to go, but another part of me tells me that I only want to go if I can take the people that I care about with me, because I don't actually want to leave them behind.

I just don't know.

I need to get away

I have been thinking and I have decided what I really want to do is get away. I want to move to somewhere where no one knows who I am. I want to make a fresh start, have a clean break. But the only thing that puts me off is leving people that I care about behind. I can't really describe how I feel, just that I have had enough of living here. I want to break away.

The day after...

I realised yesterday that it was also a year since my dad was made redundant and today is a year since he told me. It shows how so much can happen in a year.

I feel really down today though. I was wondering if it is because of trying to stay positive and not cry yesterday. I'm wondering if it has all built up and made me feel down today.

Yesterday, I went to the bank and paid in my birthday money and ordered some books from Amazon. I ordered:

The Stitch and Bitch Handbook
Stitch and Bitch Nation
The Knitting Question and Answer Book
The Knitting Bible Book and Craft Kit
Domiknitrix

I am looking forward to when they arrive. Yippee!

For tea we had bangers, mash, onions and gravy! Then we had cupcakes and gateaux. It was tasty. I enjoyed it. But this morning I feel very, very sick!

I was writing in my journal the other day and I thought that what I wrote might make a good idea for a story, so when I feel up to it, I am going to try to write it. It's hard to describe, it just gave me some inspiration and ideas.

I have a headache. I'm going to go now.

My Birthday...

It's my Birthday today. I feel really depressed today though. Probably because it is the first birthday without my Dad and it feels so strange. It feels as though part of me is missing. I feel numb. I thought that he would be around forever. Well, I knew that he would die before me (it only takes simple logic to work that out), but I didn't think that it would be so soon. I started to cry earlier and people said to me, "it's your birthday, you can't cry on your birthday" but to be honest I couldn't really care less. I will cry if I want to cry. It's just harder than I ever thought that it would be.

Monday night I sat up and I read had a talk with my mum. I discussed how I am feeling at the moment and it did seem to help. But I have so many feelings that I don't know how to describe. I don't think that there are words for them. And that is hard to understand and cope with because if talking about feelings helps me to cope, if I cannot find the words to describe the feelings how can I cope? Maybe I am just no good at dealing with this kind of thing.

I am going to go now and help sort some other stuff out. I will write again soon.